The pathway narrows.

Life is full of pathways and for the most part these pathways allow for many of us to wander in the company of friends and loved ones. After a time however, our course sometimes narrows, and at the end of our lives, the road becomes so narrow that only one may continue. We can no longer follow and they must carry on for a spell on their own. We can hope that our paths will cross again, somewhere beyond the known; but who's to say for sure.

I learned today of the fate of someone I used to walk with through uncharted land. She died of cancer just a few weeks ago. Tammy. 37 years old. I must share our story, if only to keep my part of her story alive.

Lets turn back on our pathway for a while and walk back a few years. I had just taken a job working at Aikenheads in Calgary (Soon to become what we now know as Home Depot). Tammy was a cashier and I was a clerk in the plumbing department. I was with Tracy at this junction and after seven years our relationship was over. We were together more out of convenience than out of caring for one another. We still went through the motions of our life together but neither could figure an easy way to move past where we were.

Tammy and I met one afternoon in the lunchroom. I remember thinking how she had this classic natural beauty. Tammy and I used to talk well past our allotted time for lunch. I found that she lived only a few blocks from where I lived and one afternoon I walked over to her home and we talked again for hours. If memory serves me correctly, I changed the oil in her car and tried my best to give it a tune up. I actually made it run worse. Weeks later, we went out on a friendly date to see a movie. I think we watched a romantic comedy. Tammy was one of the most laid back and casual ladies I have had the pleasure of knowing. She laughed at my awkward jokes and listened as much as she spoke. A credit to her gender and a gift to those who knew her. Gradually we found ourselves on the cusp of something more. God, how I wanted us to have a normal healthy relationship. Just to sit and talk with someone who thought as I did, without judgement. Without anger. I had to make a choice. I had to make a move and grow up.

I chose to stay where I was. That choice has stuck with me now for nearly 15 years as a nagging reminder of the things I have let slip past. I stayed with Tracy for another year because it was the easy path. A year later Tammy was in a relationship with a fellow she met at a party and I found out Tracy had been seeing a fellow in secret for well over a year. Shortly after that I moved up to Red Deer. Damn fool.

As I have said before. I am beyond grateful for the life I have been given. I have a beautiful wife who makes me a better man for the life we are building together. I have a son who is the very center of my universe and more. However, anyone who claims to have no regrets has not lived. Regrets are inevitable. They don't hold me back, but they do in part define a portion of who I am.

I wish I could have seen Tammy one last time just to see what her life has been like over these last 15 years. I guess I will have to wait till our paths cross again.

Till then my friends, lets walk together for a spell and see what lay around the bend. Perhaps we may meet up with familiar faces.