The past, the past... Always the past.

Hind sight is 20/20, or so the saying goes. If only things had been a little different. Granted, if they had, I wouldn't be where I am right now; in theory. I still wonder how the world might look if I had chosen differently along the pathway, or if others had chosen differently and how that would have inadvertently effected my life. Countless changes leading to countless outcomes. How can I not be a touch curious (or any of us for that matter). It is after all the strongest trait I think I have. How things work, how things react, what's just around the bend. I would like to review a few of those moments and postulate how I think they might have turned out.

Before I start, we need ground rules. First off, I need to accept that to a certain extent my personality traits have remained unchanged. At least the fundamentals have remained unchanged for the sake of this idea. I have references.

Secondly, I can only suggest outcomes within a finite period of time. There's no point following a train of thought past an immediate time frame. I would suggest that really anything becomes possible once you move past the event in question. Lets set the end of the outcome to a few months. No, I'm not psychic or clairvoyant and am not suggesting any kind of higher thinking involving statistical data, and the law of averages. Just simple fun.

Lets see, how about a first attempt at a having a girlfriend. The attempt was not my own . Christine Smith (Not her real last name). Christine lived around the block from my house. I occasionally played with a few kids down the block from my house and on one such occasion, Christine was there. I was 10. She was 11. We hit it off like two peas in pod (Yes, I'm quoting Forrest Gump, who was quoting Euphues and his England, 1580). Her father was with the R.C.M.P. detachment in town. I have no recollection of ever meeting her father but I had undoubtedly done so given the amount of times we played together. I'll fast forward a bit. We grew a little older, and as all things change, so did my views on girls. While I had always felt something for Christine, I was too young to know what that was. One sunny and warm afternoon, we went for a walk down by the "Big Hill". We walked and talked as we always did and without warning, she held my hand. I was shocked. So shocked that I held on to her hand not out of mutual feeling, but out of not knowing what else to do. The conversation turned quiet. We walked to the end of the path and then, as sudden as the hand grasp, she kissed me. I simply stared at her and said nothing. This is where we shall take a different turn than the one I was about to take.

What I did then was stammer and leave her on the hill. I was 14 and hadn't the slightest idea as to what I should have done. I was as smooth as sandpaper. I went home and only saw her a handful of times after that moment and I made no attempt to change that. A few years later she moved away and I never saw her again. Some might argue that I did the right thing. I was too young to do much else. This isn't the purpose of this blog. I will not justify my actions either way.

Rewind. She kissed me. In lieu of leaving her there, lets say I instead stayed on the hill. I won't go into details of this event, but rather suggest that at that moment, I stayed. Continued to hold hands. Walked her home. Too young to have a date so we continued to be friends. News travels fast in a small town so school dynamics would have changed dramatically for both of us. She was in my eyes becoming "popular". She hung with the "together" kids. By rights, that would have changed the structure of her world. I suspect she may not have told her friends. In all likelihood, our young fling would have been short lived. They usually are (or were, can't really comment on whatever goes on in schools these days). So all in all, the end result probably wouldn't have been much different than what actually happened that summer day on "Big Hill".

Next. Lets move forward to my time at Lake Louise. I was working at the ski hill. On my days off, I would grab my gear and hit the hill. One afternoon I was hot-dogging it past a couple of girls on the "Grizzly Bowls". What I wanted to do was jump a couple moguls and hit some great airtime. What actually happened was one of my skis caught a piece of ice and instead of something peotic, I produced something out of a National Lampoon movie. I recall my back landing funny on the ground; twisted slightly. There was a weird "snap" noise and then my legs went numb. Well the next thing I knew I was on a spinal board heading to the hospital in Banff. I could move my toes but it felt strange.
I spent the next three months in a bed unable to walk.

Rewind. I saw the ice and avoided it pulling off something that would have made the girls gasp in awe and grown men cry (its my story I'll tell it how I like). I would have skied over to the girls, who after talking to me for about five minutes would have realized that I was still as smooth as sandpaper. They would have likely given me an incorrect phone number. After skiing down the hill to end the day I would have continued to work at the hill for the rest of the season. My work habits were not one to admire, so in all likelihood, I would have found myself in the same boat three months later. Unemployed and looking for a new home. Once again. Results unchanged.

Last one for now. Lets move forward to my time in Innisfail. This time lets choose something that would not end in something unchanged. I had just started to work for Stan hauling liquid sulphur. One afternoon Stan asked if I knew anyone who could also drive a truck. At the time I didn't but after a brief conversation with my mom, she informed me that my cousin Robin had acquired her class 1 drivers license and was looking for work as luck would have it. I called her up and the next thing I knew, we were living together both hauling sulphur. After some time had passed, and as a result of her calling a few people in Ft. McMurray I had a job up north. I traveled to Ft. Mac and after a couple of years, met my wife and the rest is as they say, history.

Rewind. I never made the call to Robin. I never spent all those crazy nights working for as long as I did. Robin and I never spent all those hours together mending fences. She would never have been to Ft Mac either. Fairly unlikely anyway. So. Where would that leave things and where would I be. This instance has been with me for many years. What if? Well. I would have stayed on working for Stan but without someone to share to experience with, I would have quit and gone elsewhere. I would have found work undoubtedly. It would have been in Red Deer. Innisfail was many things; a place to settle down in, it was not. I had a small circle of friends in Red Deer and a few connections still in the oil field. My guess would be that I would have stayed in my apartment for a while longer; using it as a place to store my stuff rather than a place to live. Oil field work meant you were never home. My time with Halliburton would have left a few doors open to me and back into the muck I would have gone. I'd suggest nothing exciting but one can never really say that. Just wild hunches and shots in the dark.

No amount of circumstances would have led me to the place I am in right now. All because of one phone call. Funny how things seem.

I'm going to bed. I have to get up tomorrow and make french toast for my family. Oh, right, it's Father's day. Lets see what tomorrow brings.

In saecula saeculorum.